is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
