it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
even my farts smell like vagina
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
