dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
