I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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