i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
