take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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