Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
