My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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