i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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