i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
