I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
