so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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