Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
