she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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