we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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