Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
