He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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