did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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