dude i'm inner monologue high
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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