I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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