she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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