Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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