It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
