Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
