if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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