if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
