I think my vagina is haunted
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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