so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
