either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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