i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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