Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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