dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
