She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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