Your dad touched me again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Text me some of your sweat
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
