You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
