It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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