it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
