I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
