All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
