Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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