I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
