talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
