Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
