Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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