just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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