I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
