did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
