had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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