Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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