The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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