The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
