I want to make a zoo with you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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