bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
