You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
