Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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