never play flip cup with pint glasses
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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