Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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