I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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