dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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