YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
