I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
