Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ttyl tear gas
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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