You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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