I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
