I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
