they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
