Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
