if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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