Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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