Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
