Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
