Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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