I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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