whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
