I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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