I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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