Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
