found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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