well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
